Recently Corbyn and I moved from the city he was born and raised in, to a little town where we know only one person. It has been one of the biggest struggles to date while raising my son. I took him out of the school he had been a part of for 3 and a half years. (I owe those ladies at Lamar my life. They made parenthood enjoyable for me.) I also moved him 45 minutes from his FAVORITE person in the world. Nana, the Corbyn spoiling grandma! (As you can see I was literally setting myself up for failure!)
I won’t get too graphic, because after all this is the internet. (And I plan on turning this blog into a book one day.) My son doesn’t need to see in 20 years that mom spilled some embarrassing secrets about him. (That’s probably the first good decision I’ve ever made!) But we’ve been having an “Acting-out” problem in the department that makes mom have to do double time on laundry. I know he’s just 4, and that comes with age. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but my son is very, very advanced for his age. There for we’ve never had a potty training problem before. Here’s where I was at fault; I’ve been focusing too much on his little problem. I’ve been acting out myself about it. I’ve been giving him the attention he’s crying out for. I recently with in the past week have completely stopped paying attention to his accidents. Guess how many accidents we’ve had in the past 7 days? That’s right, NONE! None at school, none at nap time, and none on the weekends! (BRILLIANT!) I could not be more ecstatic! The day I decided to change roles, I started by this. “Corbyn I noticed you had an accident. Well, maybe tomorrow we can try to not have one. How does that sound?” See before, I was taking certain privileges away. For instance, His teacher would let me know he had an accident, and I’d take away his movie hour at our house while I was cooking dinner. Eventually it got to the point to where he was not getting movie hour, not getting dessert, bike, and outside time. I mean my goodness the boy did nothing all evening, and he was STILL having his accidents. Nothing was getting though to him. Mean while I’m up to my eye balls in laundry! I finally realized wait a minute, I’m doing exactly what he wants me to do! He WANTS me to be upset with him about this so that I focus all of my time on him. DUH MOM! One problem down, 100 more to go! (Oh how that reverse psychology works so well!)
Here’s one I’ve yet to conquer; back talk. I’ve never wanted to slap someone in the mouth so much before in my entire life! (As you can see he still has all of his teeth, so this tells you that I don’t actually react on this impulse.) A few things that have worked for me are,”Wow Corbyn you sure do sound mad. Would you like to talk about it?” “Corbyn do you feel mad about something? Do you think it’s nice to talk ugly back to me like that?” “Corbyn, how about we just have a chill out time in your room and talk about what’s making you so angry with me that you need to talk ugly.”– These statements work to take his mind off of why he was mad in the first place, and express to me why he felt like he needed to talk back. I’ve been able to eliminate a few time outs this way. I also think it’s very important for Corbyn to apologize to me for the way he’s talked to me. I sometimes also apologize after he does, just so that he knows that I really do feel bad for making him feel angry with me. “Corbyn I’m also sorry that I made you feel so angry. Please forgive me.” (DING, DING, DING! WIN!) Less time outs = Less back talking. He is still having trouble with his anger towards me telling him “I’m sorry Corbyn but that’s not a good idea.” Or “Corbyn, please do not do that.” So his back talk is worse when he doesn’t get his way, but from what I’ve witnessed, most kids are this way. Now this I know is just his age. I’m sure it can be very confusing for him. All of these new emotions he gets to express! Very overwhelming for a 4 and a half year old. I have noticed that talking to him about why he’s mad is solving most of the confusion for him. (Key word here is MOST…Not ALL!)
Fellow parents, I encourage you to not give up. Do not give in to the easy way of parenting. Just remember, you are the parent! It’s such a struggle, but if parenting were easy I’m sure it’d be called something different. Maybe “drinking a glass of wine with a slice of chocolate cake.” Or “I allow my kid to do whatever the hell he/she wants to do.” Or “Nap” – I’m sure you catch my drift. The point here is has our move to a completely different town made my life a living hell thus far? ABSOLUTLY! But I refuse for my son to grow up disrespectful and unaware of hurting other peoples feeling, I refuse to allow him to live in unhealthy situations, and I refuse to allow parenthood to get the best of me. (I encourage you to have a good cry! Instant relief!) You are fighting a WINNING battle if you allow yourself to recognize what’s really blocking your way of winning the battle in the first place. (It’s all about trial and error.)
Signed,
Mom (That’s Lieutenant Mom to you!)
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